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"How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity" - At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. - Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. - Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. - Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN". - Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso! - Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." - Don't use any punctuation marks - As often as possible, skip rather than walk. - Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. - Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go". - Sing along at the opera. - Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. - Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. - Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. - Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard Kim". - When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!" - When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!" - Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
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